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Monthly Archives: June 2005

overbearing sense of overwhelming

just be with me
when i run out of love
for i may need some time to flock the feeling all over again
then when i’m loaded with abundance of desire
i may rise again to embrace the beauty of giving.

just be with me
when i run out of words
for i may be drained from exhaustion
those stupefying deeds i do
they are needed for my survival.

just be with me
when i run out of energy
for i may have dimmed the bright lights on my own
then we shall see how and when they will spark again
but don’t you realize the excessive power supply is such a rarity?

just be with me
when i run out of excitement
for i may present you with boredom
that feels like seeing plain white wall is a better option
but then, we’ll miss out the whole point here.

that for just bearing with me, for a little longer
then we’ll soon find out
the light of this tunnel with undefined length.

 
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Posted by on 06/30/2005 in English

 

AA (Audiogalaxy Addict)

“Hi. My name is Nauval, and I’m an addict.”
(choir-like voice) “Hhhiiiiiii Nnnaaauuuvvaaaalllll …!”

Tau kan, kalo misalnya kita nonton pelem-pelem tentang orang-orang yang dimasukin di rehabilitasi ketergantungan alkohol ato drugs, pasti ada satu adegan counselling dimana mereka dikumpulin dalam satu ruangan, biasanya melingkar nih duduknya, trus begitu ada satu orang yang ngomong, dia bakal nyebut nama dan kenapa dia ada di rehab itu:

“Hi. My name is Nauval, and I’m an alcoholic” (getok meja kayu 3x, lha wong paling banter gue mabuk duren doang bisanya).

Dan ntar semua orang pada ngejawab serempak dengan suara dan ekspresi datar:

“Hi Nauval!”

Trus mulailah segala macem cerita ato curhatan mereka yang kadang-kadang suka ngasal, tapi berhubung namanya juga bagian dari proses penyembuhan, kayanya emang suka dibiarin aja.

Dan kalo sekarang gue mulai postingan ini dengan gaya seperti itu, karena gue memang mau bikin pengakuan alias confession:

I was mp3s addict.

Boong. I was an addict of downloading mp3s.

Boong lagi ding.

I was an Audiogalaxy addict! Huahahahahahahaha!

Ayo semua, inget-inget lagi bahwa sekitar 4-5 taun yang lalu ada satu software pengganti Napster buat tuker-tukeran (aduh bahasanya sopan banget, Pal!) koleksi mp3. Dan yang lebih canggih lagi, di Audiogalaxy ini kita bisa bikin group2 komunitas ga jelas, bisa ngobrol alias chatting ama sesama anggota group selama kita download mp3 files, oooohhhh … indahnya duniaaaa!

Terus terang aja, bahwa dari pagi sampe sore gue sanggup duduk depan komputer nangkringin Audiogalaxy ini yang kecepatannya masih hebat juga walaupun buat ukuran sekarang, dan karena gue dulu banyak ikutan groups disini, jadi ngga kerasa juga sambil ngobrol-ngobrol, eh tau-tau koleksi satu album PMR udah lengkap.

Personally, pas ikut Audiogalaxy ini, gue berasa pengetahuan musik gue bisa nambah, in terms of quality and quantity. Jadi ngga cuman kaya PMR itu, tapi inilah jamannya gue bisa dapetin exposure musik dari Bach sampe Thelonious Monk sampe Ellya Kadham dan tentunyaaaaa … Jamal Mirdad!

Begini ya sodara-sodara. Harap maklumilah kami para perantau yang tinggal jauh dari kampung halaman sering membuat kangen akan lagu-lagu Indonesia, dan secara nyari lagu Indonesia itu susah nya minta ampun (gue dapet lagunya Irma June yang “Bila” aja nunggu 1 taun!), jadi lagu apa aja diembat dong, termasuk tentunya “Memori Daun Pisang” nya Amelina dan Iwan. Yang sering karaoke dangdut pasti familiar koq *Irvan, ga usah ngibrit* :p

Yang lebih penting lagi, disinilah kisah gue dengan seorang ibu muda berambut megaloman bernama Karmela dimulai.

Hayo Mel, ngaku! Secara elo ga pernah ganti komputer kaya gue, berarti koleksi lagu mp3 elo dah banyak naujubilah kan? Well, to tell the truth Mel, walaupun jaman itu gue masih pake almarhum laptop lama gue yang kapasitas hard disk nya kecil, tapi gue tidak lupa untuk selalu back-up alias bakar-bakar cd, jadi memang alhamdulillah, semua lagu gue selamat, Mel!

Dasar ketauan addict nya gue, giliran mp3 aja diselametin, tapi data-data penting langsung wassalam! Huahahahaha!

Pertemanan gue dengan ibu muda satu ini emang diawali dari tuker-tukeran lagu di Audiogalaxy tercinta ini, sampe akhirnya seru ikutan ngobrolin dan bikin group-group gila ga jelas. Aduh Mel, inget masa ini berarti gue teringat masa-masa kuliah gue dimana gue bisa dengan leluasanya masak makan siang gue, elo nelpon gue pas yang gue goreng krupuk lah, ato kalo engga bikin ayam asam manis lah, huhuhuhuhu … Tak terasa beratku melambung sampe 71 kg waktu itu, hohohoho!

Jadi mau tuker lagu-lagu apa aja nih kita, Mel? 😉

updated: gue nyari lagunya Andi Meriem Matalatta yang “Lenggak Lenggok Jakarta”, ada yang punya?

 
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Posted by on 06/27/2005 in Bahasa Indonesia

 

Batman Begins

Forget everything we know about the man in a bat suit, aka Bruce Wayne.

Do we know him by a certain curve of lips? Do we know him by haunting eyes? Do we know him by his physical strength? Do we know him by showing off his nipples on the suit?

Batman Begins

Set aside whatever pre-conceived knowledge we had gathered before on how Batman should be presented in a film format. Throw away our ruined imagination on the richest superhero of all, thanks-but-no-thanks to dizzying and too-colorful style spilled by Joel Schumacher.

This is the beginning of how a man can become a superhuman, and his own being is a choice of conscience, not simply fated. In this aptly-titled prequel, Christopher Nolan cleverly drops any hints how Bruce Wayne is destined to be what he wants people know him to be. This smart director, although having to sacrifice his signatural style stamped on his earlier works, lays bare Wayne’s struggle before triumphing and conquering his biggest obstacle in life: fear.

Batman Begins

So much emphasis is put on the subject of fear itself that for slightly more than half of the duration is dedicated to showing Wayne’s past not often exposed in many previous renditions of his alter ego. Initially a child living on his paranoia over many things as a result of his parents’ death that he witnesses himself, he grows up being a juvenile searching for his own faith while constantly trapped in his own freight. This long journey ends in some secluded area in Far East where he gets trained to assassinate the injustice in the world, without even knowing that injustice has many multifaceted appearances that can be deceiving.

Thus, slowly but surely, a hero is born. For the first time.

Batman Begins

At this point of time, we get to know the circle of life that Bruce Wayne has to go through and complete before he dons himself in a bat suit. Painful, hurtful and never an easy feat, all these elements give the film a serious and heavyweight look. However, the result does justice on how a film based on comic gets a dramatic treatment on the right dose. After all, being a superhero does not mean having to be fantastically living in fantasy. The real world he lives in is the world of those multilayered crimes where one crime may kill another, and his good act may not be perceived as a good deed by his own conflicted being.

The journey does not stop here, for we just get to see the birth.

And thus, this is how Batman Begins.

Batman Begins

 
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Posted by on 06/26/2005 in English, Film

 

When You Look In My Eyes

(casting our minds back to 11 years ago, in 1994, when your pal here was at his prime of cuteness and innocence *run for your life! :P* while he still proudly wore the high-school uniform, on the first grade to be exact.

this song was on the top of playlists in many radios in indonesia, and i got smitten by it, so much so that i bought the cassette *CD was a luxury at that time*, and played it over and over again, not really giving a thought that it would only shorten the life of the cassette and until now, i’ve never seen the cassette again! 😀

but thanks to the advancement of technology, mp3s are widely, illegally available to download, i managed to find this lovely song again. you bet, it ranks as the most frequently played song on my iTunes now.

i wonder if any of you are familiar w/ the song, so for those who are not, this is called ‘when you look in my eyes’, written by this jazz great jay graydon, featured on his album ‘airplay for the planet’.

hey, if you ever came across this song before, and one of those people who often requested this song to be played in radios more than a decade ago, this song is for you all.
t, the lyric is about you.)

Though I was through with love
Thought it was over
Didn’t need what I needed before

The neverending story
Had an ending after all
And it hurts you when you fall

Guess I didn’t believe enough
Didn’t think it could happen
I gave up on myself long ago

Love had me believing
Then it turned and closed the door
I couldn’t trust it anymore

While I’m beginning to doubt my doubts
And I’m losing faith in my faithlessness
All the grey above is clearing
Becoming blue skies
When you look in my eyes

But here in reality
It gets so confusing
Why are old habits hard to break
My heart’s afraid of losing
So I haven’t played the game
It always seems to end the same

But I’m beginning to doubt my doubts
And I’m losing faith in my faithlessness
All the grey above is clearing
Becoming blue skies

I’m beginning to feel again
And I’m losing what’s left of my thoughtlessness
The sun has begun to come out
In my life
When you look in my eyes

You gave me something more
It’s like I never love before

But I’m beginning to doubt my doubts
And I’m losing faith in my faithlessness
All the grey above is clearing
Becoming blue skies

I’m beginning to feel again
And I’m losing what’s left of my thoughtlessness
The sun has begun to come out
In my life

When you look in my eyes

 
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Posted by on 06/25/2005 in English

 

Lenggang Puspita

(gara-gara si sayid dah mulai nyari2 koreografi buat acara IAF nanti, secara ga sengaja gue mulai dengerin lagu-lagu yang cocok buat konsep musikal kita ini, dan akhirnya setelah ubek2 koleksi cd mp3 hasil download-an selama kuliah *Mela, sesama mantan AudioGalaxy addict dilarang saling nyela! :D*, akhirnya nemu juga lagu ini … Lenggang Puspita by Achmad Albar!

kebayang ga kalo Achmad Albar sebelum gabung ama God Bless dan merit ama Rini Subono, sebelum akhirnya cerai, adalah seorang artis Swara Mahardika yang entah pas jaman 70-an apa namanya dah SM. dan lucu juga ngebayangin pak rocker ini juga nyanyi lagu dangdut Zakia *aduh, punya gue ilang! help!*, trus maen pelem Si Doel Anak Modern bareng (alm.) Benyamin S. ama Christine Hakim. not bad acting loh! lucu aja ngeliat kribo-nya dulu lebih gede dibanding sekarang, hihihihihi … aduh Rio, Pram, Agus, gue ngga bermaksud mengambil mahkota ketuwiran kalian koq dengan tau dikit2 ilmu pengetahuan populer tahun 70-an ini , hohohohoho!

ya udah, enjoy lagu ini deh, gue dah mulai goyang pagi2 gini sebelum ntar latian *khusyu’ ngapalin script* :D)

Jalan berlenggang lenggok gemulai
Langkah nan anggun tinggi semampai
Diantara rerumpunan bambu
Kudengar derai tawamu

Wajah berbinar-binar ceria
Senyum manis menghiasi senja
Diantara bunga-bunga rindu
Kucium harum nafasmu

Oh dara
Kemana kau pergi melangkah
Juwita
Tahukah kau hatiku resah
Oh dara
Mengapa kau terus melangkah
Juwita
Mengapa ku tak berdaya

 
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Posted by on 06/25/2005 in Bahasa Indonesia

 

Ode to My Blog

Hello there!

Now.Far., aren’t you?

It’s kinda weird to call you by that name, since I’ve never been used to it, until now.

I know you’re gonna react that way, bulging eyes and a big “O” forming from your lips, just before you scream out … “What?!”

I thought that all these time I’ve been leaving my marks on you would make me knowing you completely. Well, now I realize that not even a drop of water from the sky will fidget me to see that, I have not known you completely.

You see, well, come to think of it, I don’t even have to ask you for that since your stationary means you’ve been standing there still for me all the time, without me realizing that. Pinch me.

Let’s put it this way.

As we both know, I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve felt, you know, burned out from the life I’ve chosen to lead. Yes, the stupefying one that I haven’t been able to detach myself from.
I was stressed out, dear.
Then I felt worse because I’ve been neglecting you by just looking at you without even making a single gesture to touch you, let alone to hold you dearly like what I’ve used to do.

I thought by leaving you on your own, I would be able to “take a break” like what I always long for. But then I realize that I couldn’t leave you.

Because you are my shelter of rejuvenation, of consolation and of hope.

Because I realize that when I strike the keyboards to type the set of letters in you, I know that I can be myself at the utmost ease.

Because you exist as the result of my compassion.

Because you reflect my being.

It’s just this other part of life that puts me in imbecile. Painful as it is, hurtful at times, I should’ve run here to seek for comfort.

So, my blog, don’t get mad if I may be on hiatus for days.

Chicago said, “everybody needs a little time away … even lovers need a holiday”.

Where shall we go for our next trip, eh?!

 
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Posted by on 06/23/2005 in English

 

the most self-centred posting i’ve ever written …

i’m tired and fed up of my f***ed up life.

i need a break.
 
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Posted by on 06/21/2005 in English