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Monthly Archives: June 2005

overbearing sense of overwhelming

just be with me
when i run out of love
for i may need some time to flock the feeling all over again
then when i’m loaded with abundance of desire
i may rise again to embrace the beauty of giving.

just be with me
when i run out of words
for i may be drained from exhaustion
those stupefying deeds i do
they are needed for my survival.

just be with me
when i run out of energy
for i may have dimmed the bright lights on my own
then we shall see how and when they will spark again
but don’t you realize the excessive power supply is such a rarity?

just be with me
when i run out of excitement
for i may present you with boredom
that feels like seeing plain white wall is a better option
but then, we’ll miss out the whole point here.

that for just bearing with me, for a little longer
then we’ll soon find out
the light of this tunnel with undefined length.

 
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Posted by on 06/30/2005 in English

 

AA (Audiogalaxy Addict)

“Hi. My name is Nauval, and I’m an addict.”
(choir-like voice) “Hhhiiiiiii Nnnaaauuuvvaaaalllll …!”

Tau kan, kalo misalnya kita nonton pelem-pelem tentang orang-orang yang dimasukin di rehabilitasi ketergantungan alkohol ato drugs, pasti ada satu adegan counselling dimana mereka dikumpulin dalam satu ruangan, biasanya melingkar nih duduknya, trus begitu ada satu orang yang ngomong, dia bakal nyebut nama dan kenapa dia ada di rehab itu:

“Hi. My name is Nauval, and I’m an alcoholic” (getok meja kayu 3x, lha wong paling banter gue mabuk duren doang bisanya).

Dan ntar semua orang pada ngejawab serempak dengan suara dan ekspresi datar:

“Hi Nauval!”

Trus mulailah segala macem cerita ato curhatan mereka yang kadang-kadang suka ngasal, tapi berhubung namanya juga bagian dari proses penyembuhan, kayanya emang suka dibiarin aja.

Dan kalo sekarang gue mulai postingan ini dengan gaya seperti itu, karena gue memang mau bikin pengakuan alias confession:

I was mp3s addict.

Boong. I was an addict of downloading mp3s.

Boong lagi ding.

I was an Audiogalaxy addict! Huahahahahahahaha!

Ayo semua, inget-inget lagi bahwa sekitar 4-5 taun yang lalu ada satu software pengganti Napster buat tuker-tukeran (aduh bahasanya sopan banget, Pal!) koleksi mp3. Dan yang lebih canggih lagi, di Audiogalaxy ini kita bisa bikin group2 komunitas ga jelas, bisa ngobrol alias chatting ama sesama anggota group selama kita download mp3 files, oooohhhh … indahnya duniaaaa!

Terus terang aja, bahwa dari pagi sampe sore gue sanggup duduk depan komputer nangkringin Audiogalaxy ini yang kecepatannya masih hebat juga walaupun buat ukuran sekarang, dan karena gue dulu banyak ikutan groups disini, jadi ngga kerasa juga sambil ngobrol-ngobrol, eh tau-tau koleksi satu album PMR udah lengkap.

Personally, pas ikut Audiogalaxy ini, gue berasa pengetahuan musik gue bisa nambah, in terms of quality and quantity. Jadi ngga cuman kaya PMR itu, tapi inilah jamannya gue bisa dapetin exposure musik dari Bach sampe Thelonious Monk sampe Ellya Kadham dan tentunyaaaaa … Jamal Mirdad!

Begini ya sodara-sodara. Harap maklumilah kami para perantau yang tinggal jauh dari kampung halaman sering membuat kangen akan lagu-lagu Indonesia, dan secara nyari lagu Indonesia itu susah nya minta ampun (gue dapet lagunya Irma June yang “Bila” aja nunggu 1 taun!), jadi lagu apa aja diembat dong, termasuk tentunya “Memori Daun Pisang” nya Amelina dan Iwan. Yang sering karaoke dangdut pasti familiar koq *Irvan, ga usah ngibrit* :p

Yang lebih penting lagi, disinilah kisah gue dengan seorang ibu muda berambut megaloman bernama Karmela dimulai.

Hayo Mel, ngaku! Secara elo ga pernah ganti komputer kaya gue, berarti koleksi lagu mp3 elo dah banyak naujubilah kan? Well, to tell the truth Mel, walaupun jaman itu gue masih pake almarhum laptop lama gue yang kapasitas hard disk nya kecil, tapi gue tidak lupa untuk selalu back-up alias bakar-bakar cd, jadi memang alhamdulillah, semua lagu gue selamat, Mel!

Dasar ketauan addict nya gue, giliran mp3 aja diselametin, tapi data-data penting langsung wassalam! Huahahahaha!

Pertemanan gue dengan ibu muda satu ini emang diawali dari tuker-tukeran lagu di Audiogalaxy tercinta ini, sampe akhirnya seru ikutan ngobrolin dan bikin group-group gila ga jelas. Aduh Mel, inget masa ini berarti gue teringat masa-masa kuliah gue dimana gue bisa dengan leluasanya masak makan siang gue, elo nelpon gue pas yang gue goreng krupuk lah, ato kalo engga bikin ayam asam manis lah, huhuhuhuhu … Tak terasa beratku melambung sampe 71 kg waktu itu, hohohoho!

Jadi mau tuker lagu-lagu apa aja nih kita, Mel? 😉

updated: gue nyari lagunya Andi Meriem Matalatta yang “Lenggak Lenggok Jakarta”, ada yang punya?

 
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Posted by on 06/27/2005 in Bahasa Indonesia

 

Batman Begins

Forget everything we know about the man in a bat suit, aka Bruce Wayne.

Do we know him by a certain curve of lips? Do we know him by haunting eyes? Do we know him by his physical strength? Do we know him by showing off his nipples on the suit?

Batman Begins

Set aside whatever pre-conceived knowledge we had gathered before on how Batman should be presented in a film format. Throw away our ruined imagination on the richest superhero of all, thanks-but-no-thanks to dizzying and too-colorful style spilled by Joel Schumacher.

This is the beginning of how a man can become a superhuman, and his own being is a choice of conscience, not simply fated. In this aptly-titled prequel, Christopher Nolan cleverly drops any hints how Bruce Wayne is destined to be what he wants people know him to be. This smart director, although having to sacrifice his signatural style stamped on his earlier works, lays bare Wayne’s struggle before triumphing and conquering his biggest obstacle in life: fear.

Batman Begins

So much emphasis is put on the subject of fear itself that for slightly more than half of the duration is dedicated to showing Wayne’s past not often exposed in many previous renditions of his alter ego. Initially a child living on his paranoia over many things as a result of his parents’ death that he witnesses himself, he grows up being a juvenile searching for his own faith while constantly trapped in his own freight. This long journey ends in some secluded area in Far East where he gets trained to assassinate the injustice in the world, without even knowing that injustice has many multifaceted appearances that can be deceiving.

Thus, slowly but surely, a hero is born. For the first time.

Batman Begins

At this point of time, we get to know the circle of life that Bruce Wayne has to go through and complete before he dons himself in a bat suit. Painful, hurtful and never an easy feat, all these elements give the film a serious and heavyweight look. However, the result does justice on how a film based on comic gets a dramatic treatment on the right dose. After all, being a superhero does not mean having to be fantastically living in fantasy. The real world he lives in is the world of those multilayered crimes where one crime may kill another, and his good act may not be perceived as a good deed by his own conflicted being.

The journey does not stop here, for we just get to see the birth.

And thus, this is how Batman Begins.

Batman Begins

 
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Posted by on 06/26/2005 in English, Film

 

When You Look In My Eyes

(casting our minds back to 11 years ago, in 1994, when your pal here was at his prime of cuteness and innocence *run for your life! :P* while he still proudly wore the high-school uniform, on the first grade to be exact.

this song was on the top of playlists in many radios in indonesia, and i got smitten by it, so much so that i bought the cassette *CD was a luxury at that time*, and played it over and over again, not really giving a thought that it would only shorten the life of the cassette and until now, i’ve never seen the cassette again! 😀

but thanks to the advancement of technology, mp3s are widely, illegally available to download, i managed to find this lovely song again. you bet, it ranks as the most frequently played song on my iTunes now.

i wonder if any of you are familiar w/ the song, so for those who are not, this is called ‘when you look in my eyes’, written by this jazz great jay graydon, featured on his album ‘airplay for the planet’.

hey, if you ever came across this song before, and one of those people who often requested this song to be played in radios more than a decade ago, this song is for you all.
t, the lyric is about you.)

Though I was through with love
Thought it was over
Didn’t need what I needed before

The neverending story
Had an ending after all
And it hurts you when you fall

Guess I didn’t believe enough
Didn’t think it could happen
I gave up on myself long ago

Love had me believing
Then it turned and closed the door
I couldn’t trust it anymore

While I’m beginning to doubt my doubts
And I’m losing faith in my faithlessness
All the grey above is clearing
Becoming blue skies
When you look in my eyes

But here in reality
It gets so confusing
Why are old habits hard to break
My heart’s afraid of losing
So I haven’t played the game
It always seems to end the same

But I’m beginning to doubt my doubts
And I’m losing faith in my faithlessness
All the grey above is clearing
Becoming blue skies

I’m beginning to feel again
And I’m losing what’s left of my thoughtlessness
The sun has begun to come out
In my life
When you look in my eyes

You gave me something more
It’s like I never love before

But I’m beginning to doubt my doubts
And I’m losing faith in my faithlessness
All the grey above is clearing
Becoming blue skies

I’m beginning to feel again
And I’m losing what’s left of my thoughtlessness
The sun has begun to come out
In my life

When you look in my eyes

 
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Posted by on 06/25/2005 in English

 

Lenggang Puspita

(gara-gara si sayid dah mulai nyari2 koreografi buat acara IAF nanti, secara ga sengaja gue mulai dengerin lagu-lagu yang cocok buat konsep musikal kita ini, dan akhirnya setelah ubek2 koleksi cd mp3 hasil download-an selama kuliah *Mela, sesama mantan AudioGalaxy addict dilarang saling nyela! :D*, akhirnya nemu juga lagu ini … Lenggang Puspita by Achmad Albar!

kebayang ga kalo Achmad Albar sebelum gabung ama God Bless dan merit ama Rini Subono, sebelum akhirnya cerai, adalah seorang artis Swara Mahardika yang entah pas jaman 70-an apa namanya dah SM. dan lucu juga ngebayangin pak rocker ini juga nyanyi lagu dangdut Zakia *aduh, punya gue ilang! help!*, trus maen pelem Si Doel Anak Modern bareng (alm.) Benyamin S. ama Christine Hakim. not bad acting loh! lucu aja ngeliat kribo-nya dulu lebih gede dibanding sekarang, hihihihihi … aduh Rio, Pram, Agus, gue ngga bermaksud mengambil mahkota ketuwiran kalian koq dengan tau dikit2 ilmu pengetahuan populer tahun 70-an ini , hohohohoho!

ya udah, enjoy lagu ini deh, gue dah mulai goyang pagi2 gini sebelum ntar latian *khusyu’ ngapalin script* :D)

Jalan berlenggang lenggok gemulai
Langkah nan anggun tinggi semampai
Diantara rerumpunan bambu
Kudengar derai tawamu

Wajah berbinar-binar ceria
Senyum manis menghiasi senja
Diantara bunga-bunga rindu
Kucium harum nafasmu

Oh dara
Kemana kau pergi melangkah
Juwita
Tahukah kau hatiku resah
Oh dara
Mengapa kau terus melangkah
Juwita
Mengapa ku tak berdaya

 
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Posted by on 06/25/2005 in Bahasa Indonesia

 

Ode to My Blog

Hello there!

Now.Far., aren’t you?

It’s kinda weird to call you by that name, since I’ve never been used to it, until now.

I know you’re gonna react that way, bulging eyes and a big “O” forming from your lips, just before you scream out … “What?!”

I thought that all these time I’ve been leaving my marks on you would make me knowing you completely. Well, now I realize that not even a drop of water from the sky will fidget me to see that, I have not known you completely.

You see, well, come to think of it, I don’t even have to ask you for that since your stationary means you’ve been standing there still for me all the time, without me realizing that. Pinch me.

Let’s put it this way.

As we both know, I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve felt, you know, burned out from the life I’ve chosen to lead. Yes, the stupefying one that I haven’t been able to detach myself from.
I was stressed out, dear.
Then I felt worse because I’ve been neglecting you by just looking at you without even making a single gesture to touch you, let alone to hold you dearly like what I’ve used to do.

I thought by leaving you on your own, I would be able to “take a break” like what I always long for. But then I realize that I couldn’t leave you.

Because you are my shelter of rejuvenation, of consolation and of hope.

Because I realize that when I strike the keyboards to type the set of letters in you, I know that I can be myself at the utmost ease.

Because you exist as the result of my compassion.

Because you reflect my being.

It’s just this other part of life that puts me in imbecile. Painful as it is, hurtful at times, I should’ve run here to seek for comfort.

So, my blog, don’t get mad if I may be on hiatus for days.

Chicago said, “everybody needs a little time away … even lovers need a holiday”.

Where shall we go for our next trip, eh?!

 
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Posted by on 06/23/2005 in English

 

the most self-centred posting i’ve ever written …

i’m tired and fed up of my f***ed up life.

i need a break.
 
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Posted by on 06/21/2005 in English

 

Eros

Don’t get it wrong: there’s no love, and there’s no lust in Eros. They are reduced to merge into forming an existence of eroticism.

The sultry image of the film’s poster reveals a sillhoute of bright, electrified red stocking being pulled as if someone is about to wear it, and the color is seductively crashed to the black background, suggesting mystery awaits to be unlocked. An erotic mystery, perhaps?

Or it could be exotic, given the fact that three renowned directors handling this anthology could not be more different from one another. Wong Kar Wai can be considered as one of the last remaining auteurs in the world of modern cinema with a meticulous understanding on heydays of Hong Kong and China, Steven Soderbergh is an all-American director working and living as part of Hollywood industry who injects a certain edgy style in his commercial works, and Michelangelo Antonioni has contributed his outstanding works shown in his past as collection of art worth studying by film enthusiasts throughout the world.

Yet, the signatural mark among the three shorts can only be found in “The Hand“, Wong’s section that aptly opens the whole film. As previously used in his well-known In The Mood for Love and 2046, the world of cheongsam and ’60s Hong Kong as seen through the eyes of his long-time collaborator, Christoper Doyle, suits perfectly to the story which tells about an illicit affair done by a tailor (Chang Chen) and his muse (Gong Li). What starts off as a mere working relationship blossoms into an unrequited longing for self-fulfilling desire, for the tailor in his frequent silence keeps looking upon the woman, protecting her in unspeakable action, and proving himself to be a faithful companion towards her final days.

Eros : The Hand

Whereas it offers nothing new to the collection of his auteurism, Wong understands the meaning of subtlety by letting the images speak more than unnecessary words as what he usually indulges in. The implicitness of eroticism turns to be explicitly loud by only showing the shaking walls with breathing and gasping sound in the background, while the camera extensively moving through the landscape of interior details. Not to mention that both cast is allowed to keep their clothes on all the time, allowing audiences to witness to explore their barenaked thoughts as reflected on their studious gestures. The way Chang stroke his hand passionately through the stack of clothes, thus the title is given, and the manner in which Gong presents herself as a lady with a sense of vanity remind us that being sexy in a big screen is about how much something is revealed by showing a little. An old school concept which still works after all.

In contrast, this is something we will not see on the following two films.

Equilibrium” is supposedly a comedy of manners done through the surrealistic style where we actually need to figure out if what we see is actually a dream or a reality, thanks to the interchanging scenes in which Robert Downey Jr.’s character turns into Alan Arkin’s at the end of the film, and vice versa. A seemingly dreamlike film, if by now you are already familiar with the concept of Banyu Biru, although the latter may not be an effective example here.

Eros : Equilibrium

However, the only thing that impresses me most from this part is the stark black-and-white cinematography, which brings to mind as a reminiscence of recent works like Schindler’s List or The Man Who Wasn’t There. It may be used merely to differentiate one scene from another, yet the effectiveness of using the dual-color actually heightens the otherwise lack of depth story here, which ironically is the most talkative section among all three.

At least, we have not come to the worst part.

By any respect of his great stature existence in the film history, I salute Michelangelo Antonioni for his past work like L’Avventura, L’Eclisse or La Notte. Regrettably, we are unable to trace his graceful style of filmmaking in his contribution here, “The Dangerous Thread of Things“. Such a poetic title might give inspiration to any porn-film producers, for Antonioni takes a dramatic turn in making his short film here as a semi-porn flick with nothing but parading flesh under the Tuscan sun, and lines directly taken off from Harlequin books. Adding salt to the wound, none of the actors seem to understand how to perform in front of camera.

Eros : The Dangerous Thread of Things

From the magnificent beginning of old Hong Kong style through America in 1950s to the crashed ending of mind boggling ending in Italy, the film ends with a high anti-climaz note, leaving me in puzzledness over the latter choice.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s just some successful guy wanting to take a break being considered ‘serious’, and chooses to indulge himself in erotic journey above all.

 
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Posted by on 06/14/2005 in English

 

by any chance …

… i’m not supposed to write down anything here, for my mind turns into its utmost state of emptiness, causing, or rather, leaving me with no possession of inspiration at all.

for sure i could just close my laptop and turn myself to dvd player, after all, alain resnais’s “last days in marienbad” is due tomorrow.
but then, i have certain doubt that it will be on par with his “hiroshima, mon armour” which ranks as one of the most graceful love films ever conceptualized on a big screen.

ah, this is the most personal entry i’ve ever penned in my whole blogging life.

well twinnie, don’t get me wrong, but the battle-of-tacky entries of ours have to remain as best-kept secret which, for sure, would preferably be consumed on our own. whereas they’ve become public viewing or condemnation sparking from jealousy, that’s something beyond our control, right?

and up to this paragraph, isn’t it funny how you can actually just utter anything you wish to speak out by just placing your fingers in the keyboard, and slowly, surely, your tips of fingers start touching each and every letter assigned on the keyboard to form words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, paragraphs into a posting or two.
it wouldn’t do any harm though if a little much-needed distraction of adium pops up here and there, saying things like “temen gue bakal nginep di rumah semalem” or “gue sudah baca remains of the day dan ga seberapa suka“, although the latter may give me an alert.
how can one not to fall under the spell of charm lined up in subtleties of kazuo ishiguro’s victorian style of narration?

oh well, again, we are placed in the world of overflowing mass products of arts and literature which often leaving us with little choice except to accept them hesitantly.
why hesitant?
i just feel like writing that, actually.

accuse me of being lame for my inability in providing some mind-challenging defense, but i can’t help looking at my stack of books and dvds which i haven’t touched, let alone reviewed. the thing is, i don’t want to surrender and leave my brain outside when i enter the world of cinema or words. i always seek for every single opportunity to venture myself inside those man-made world, looking for a chance to enhance my uppance.
look, most of the time i fail in making rhymes, so you’ve gotta bear with my weird sense of poetic structure.

alritey vin, i know you’ve been complaining too much on how lengthy each and every posting i’ve always made here (does a name of dody ring a bell to you, dear? *ngibrit*), but seriously, i need a bigger box for my main posting here.

care to teach me how?

 
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Posted by on 06/12/2005 in English

 

Mr. & Mrs. Smith


At the end, you can only think of the beginning.

Such a simple line uttered by John Smith (Brad Pitt) to her wife, Jane Smith (Angelina Jolie) in one of the car-chase scenes in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which is plainly uttered in a regular manner as what Pitt usually does, turns out to be some slipped subtlety we might wonder here.

Is this really the end of Hollywood glamorous era?

Never before in recent releases a film is capitalized on the glitz presence of its leading actors who are portrayed as what and how their images are projected off-screen.
Never before in recent releases that a film charms its audience for the sake of the actors who do not act to be on their own easily.
The latter point might bring the fact that, as hesitant as it might be, never before in recent releases that a film is perfectly cast.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Yet, if we look back at the old Hollywood days when scriptswriters are masters and directors are kings in putting their signatural marks on witty and smart scripts, this kind of practice had been done in the early years of the century.
People flocked to see Cary Grant doing the best impersonation of himself, to be seduced by Marilyn Monroe in whatever film she was in, and this topic will not complete without mentioning the legendary pairings of Katharine Hepburn-Spencer Tracy and Lauren Bacall-Humphrey Bogart. A consummate thespian on their own, when they were paired, audience saw the chemistry between each couple as the result of what their projected images off-screen were: Hepburn, a strong willed lady to be charmed by Tracy’s gentleness and patience, and Bacall as a debonaire, mysterious lady to be melt by Bogart’s rough-yet-tender sensitive old guy.

It might be way early to place Pitt and Jolie alongside the legends, but judging from their banterings and unspeakable ease of performing to and for each other, we can’t help but smiling all through the entire duration of 110 minutes without even at once bothering about illogical plots. This is a well packaged summer blockbuster film: explosive action, gorgeous cast that even looks larger-than-life thanks to nicely done shot that seem to make both of them being ripped off from any glossy fashion magazine, and the wits spoken convincingly as if we really see Pitt and Jolie have been performing together for a number of times.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

To think that the whole film relies on its own star presence is surely a reminiscence of the good glorious old Hollywood days, which leads us thinking how star powers these days are being set aside, making a way for mindless CGI effects. The film might not be the best for its own genre, but to keep the treatment from dying completely, it is sure an applaudable effort.

 
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Posted by on 06/08/2005 in English, Film

 

How Smart Are You?

Recently, the cool girl doing un-cool job in the coolest office on planet earth has given us this riddle. See if you can do ’em all!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and this one

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The key is simple.

See the first picture? You should answer it as “Seven Seas”. 7 Cs, got it?! 🙂

What about the rest?

 
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Posted by on 06/08/2005 in English

 

what is it with the month of june?

exactly!

can someone enlighten me with some relieving replies on my query about ‘what is it with the month of june’?

What's On June?

the question was simply triggered from some, i would say, distracting facts:
– my twinnie is having a “writer-block” (usual, but there’s gotta be something causing it),
– my housemate chooses to spend the weeknites daydreaming instead of hovering holland village for dinner (unusual, but i guess i may contribute something in it because …),
myself, suddenly feel sick and get tired of holland village (static.)

in blogging world itself, i bear witness to some “hibernation” period from some bloggers known for their witty words that i can’t have enough of. come back when you’re used with Linux, girl! you sure have loads of stories to tell from your travelling, Yos! one of the most self-loving bloggers only wrote a song instead, Li? and hasn’t it been some time, Ko?

for me, it’s been quite some time since the last time i wrote down my thoughts on films i reel myself into. of course you can still see my post on Inside Deep Throat below, but you might be surprised to know that i actually had watched the film way before i wrote down my piece of mind about it.

there are not many films on current release arousing my interest.

tell me whether this is coincidental or not, but if you are a film-buff who reads everything about film in newspaper, magazine or any news media available to you, you may notice that the ticket sales and cinema attendance in the United States has been declining for 15 weeks in a row.
i just can’t pretend any longer: it’s about time, you fool, brain-damaging Hollywood!

an article in NY Times examined how recent movies failed to deliver the hype or much-needed controversy which, i agree, would build up audience’s interest not only go to cinemas and watch the films, but more importantly the post-watching effect. they can discuss the films, or simply talk about it among friends and families, which will prompt them to revisit the films.

we had a tame romantic comedy in Hitch, which only made us longing for the magic of Sleepless in Seattle.
we could only wonder why the studio execs decided to make Guess Who, only to find that the original version made almost 40 years earlier had more daring effect.
we began to think that Pixar is unbeatable champ after watching the failures of Madagascar and Robots.
and do we care about The Pacifier? impotent sequels like xxx2? endless horror remakes a la House of Wax? finally, paris hilton is killed.

but come to think of it, unintended buzz like what The Passion of the Christ enjoyed last year might come only once in a blue moon, or rages over Fahrenheit 9/11 only happens periodically *grin*, but these elements are what lured us into cinemas to cheer and to bash at the same time, and to some extent, watching it over and over again.

had there been no Star Wars installment this year, what a dreadful blockbuster it might have been.

and don’t blame us if we turn to other alternative sources.

thankfully, european films are still made with sincerity, although people begin to get wary of korean style of sleaziness. as long as those films do not brand themselves as ‘another-asian-horror’ films, then it should be fine.
indonesian?
let’s just say that for one that just woke up from a long sleep of coma, then suddenly get euphoric over sweet-flavored candy, wait until its get dizzy from having too much saccharine all over the screen. quantity wise, good enough though.

so what is with the month of june?
nothing but big bang summer blockbuster films, and let’s keep looking for alternatives.

writing? just continue rambling.

 
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Posted by on 06/07/2005 in English

 

it is like … love, actually.

and so it is.
in some ways that we indulge,
or rather,
plunge into it.

(seluruh hidupku
selamanya)

when the existence of universe changed by the time an answer has been uttered without even questioning,
then we can only wonder,
whether sparks will continue blinking
or rather
a steady light will shine throughout the journey

(segalanya teramat berarti di hatiku
selamanya)

so take it that we choose the steady light
yes, we sit, we talk, we make love, we exchange sweet tender words
but there are times when we get up, when we cast our glances towards the other side of view
when we choose not to know, not to quench the thirst or not to ignore

love ties the loosening binds without gripping too hard.

 
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Posted by on 06/05/2005 in English

 

Jump!

Jump!

Jump! Jump!
You jump, I … watch you jump!
Dah ga jaman hari gini ngomong “you jump, i jump” ah! *sambil muna ga mau ngaku kalo nonton pelem Titanic 3x, hihihihi*

Anyway, gue cuman pengen berheran-heran aja ama diri gue sendiri, yang udah terjadi beberapa hari belakangan ini. Simple aja, gue ngerasa jump improperly to live in a big city.

Improperly? More like unorganized, actually.

You see, dari kecil sampe gede, gue lahir dan dibesarin di Malang, kota yang udah ngga dingin lagi, yang menghasilkan beberapa selebritis yang benernya ngga pantes disebut disini macem Cindy Fatika Sari (idih!) ato Krisdayanti (walopun dia ngga di Malang persis), tapi yang lebih penting lagi, beberapa seleb-blogger yang pantes disebut disini macem Qyu, Bowo, dan tentunya, -nauval himself- dong ah!

Dan harus gue akuin, bagaimanapun juga Malang ini kota kecil, meskipun sempet gue kekeuh sumekeh kalo Malang itu kota besar, karena kalo dapet Adipura, selalu dapet kategori untuk kota besar. Ngomong-ngomong, masih ada kah penghargaan Adipura buat kebersihan kota ini?

Sampe ketika kuliah pun dah nyaris mengabdikan seumur hidup di Malang, tiba-tiba aja koq dapet kesempatan lepas dari kota apel ke kota Singa (Singapore toh negara kota ‘kan?), dan disinilah gue dah mengabdikan diri gue selama 5,5 taun dari mulai kuliah sampe kerja sekarang.

Separuh dekade.

Serem juga kalo dipikirin angka itu.

Makin serem kalo ngeliat bahwa benernya gue ngerasa ada satu bagian yang “kurang” karena gue ngga ngelewatin satu filter yang entah penting ato engga: tinggal di kota besar, di negeri sendiri.

Yup, gue ngga pernah tinggal lama sampe menetap di Jakarta. Paling banter 2 bulan, itu juga lebih banyak di rumah, di Bekasi.
Dan begitu gue tinggal di kota besar, itungannya udah negara lain.

Gegar budaya yang gue rasakan, untungnya sih, ngga se-shock seseorang yang langsung masuk sini dan bekerja, karena gue melalui proses belajar dan hidup di lingkungan kampus, yang notabene bukan representatif bagus buat ngeliat ukuran hidup seseorang di suatu negara karena atmosfirnya kan academic-oriented yang cenderung all-provided, but it’s better than nothing though.

Justru gegar budaya yang gue rasakan adalah tiap kali gue ke Jakarta, karena bagaimanapun juga, gue selalu melihat Jakarta dari sudut pandang ‘orang kampung’ ato ‘orang udik’ yang masih kebingungan dan ecstatic ngeliat bright, blinding lights of the city.
Sementara itu, Singapore adalah tempat kenyamanan dan kemapanan gue. Kemapanan disini bukan berarti gue financially rich or whatsoever (komputer aja masih ngutang!), tapi lebih kepada behavioral settlement, ato dalam kata lain, the minute I step my feet onto Changi Airport, I know my way to get to my home without troubling anyone, I know how to feed myself without begging on the street and I know how to eat to live.

Hmmm … Postingan ini emang agak absurd, ga kaya biasa-biasanya, tapi yang jelas, gue semakin memaknai kata-kata klise ini:

Look before you leap.

 
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Posted by on 06/03/2005 in Bahasa Indonesia

 

Inside Deep Throat

If you think the reason why I made this posting is related to the revelation on the mysterious identity of Watergate-whistle-blower, then I’m afraid to say that you get it wrong this time. Check the history book again, and you’ll find out how Mr. Felt got his infamous nickname.

As infamous as the source itself, which brought the porn film scene to be recognized as a new promising industry.

Our parents or our elder relatives might not be able to recall Deep Throat when it was released back in 1972, but at least they came across the phenomenon of how sex became something that lured people to go to the movies.
Mainstream film industry reached its ultimate exposure towards sexual permissiveness, when what had been considered as taboo topic suddenly being shown on the big screens where people could just drop by at any given time to spend a good two-hour journey exploring their sexual voyeurism. And to sit in darkness has never been that good.

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More than three decades later, when sex had become scarce in films these days, Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato brought back this sexual journey of porn industry in its heyday of 1970s in one of the most polite documentaries on sex ever, Inside Deep Throat. I guess I have to mention the word ‘polite’, considering that the initial film was X-rated and the documentary in discussion here managed to get an R-rating.
You go figure out yourself what has been missing.

Even then, the documentary serves like a comprehensive study of how porn industry arose in Hollywood in the 70s, and played a part in cultural revolution that defined 70s as sexual awakening era in the US. Porn has never been looked this noble and respected, I may say, thanks to the crips understanding of Bailey and Barbato who often depicted 1970s cultural hype in their previous works like the harrowing The Eyes of Tammy Faye.

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Surely a 90-minute duration will not quench the thirst to even get a deeper peek towards porn industry, yet the film has done more than enough to make us noticed to not neglect the existence of this love-it-or-loathe-it alternative entertainment. Some scenes might be overwhelming if you are not used to watch porn flicks (oh c’mon, internet is just right on your side!), yet there are times when you just scratch in your heads, amused by the comments from the makers of this film.

Well, truth is always stranger than fiction, if you wish to settle for fictionalized story on porn industry, go rent Boogie Nights.

But then, no other fictional feature films can match to become the most profitable film of all time, like Deep Throat.

Inside Deep Throat

 
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Posted by on 06/01/2005 in English, Film