What does Eid or Lebaran mean to you?
Many will nod along the religious convention being the most anticipated day after one does fasting for a month, thus calling it a victory day.
Some others may make use of the day to reunite with family members, especially the distant ones.
But for me, and perhaps a few others, may see the day as the time to revisit the idea of being sorry.
It began a few years ago, when my old time buddy Fay told me, “Why do we have Lebaran? It is because we need a reminder on the importance of forgiving. You know, we don’t need to wait until Lebaran to apologize for our wrongdoings or whatever mistake we make. But there’s gotta be one special day in a year when we acknowledge, and glorify a little, the necessity to say “I am sorry” for all mistakes we’ve made.
Think of it this way: you don’t need Valentine’s Day to love, or to show your affection to someone. But there is one day in a year when we are reminded the importance of love, regardless you celebrate it or not.”
The lengthy explanation sticks with me for good, and as years go by, I find it more relevant each time. Especially during the said public holiday, in which more often than we’re not, we are forced to say we are sorry to people we are not close to.
In the spirit of festivities, we relent to the habit. But the real, true “I am sorry” takes over time to finally being said with sincerity.
Thus, each celebration feels like a cumulative of all the sorrys we have gathered over days, weeks, months, and years.
And in the spirit of putting importance to that, perhaps these are some of the confession, statement of apology, or whatever you like to call it, that I have finally realized I haven’t been able to say in person:
– Sorry for not returning your Interview With the Vampire OST cassette I once borrowed;
– Sorry for missing your transit time on your route to married life in Africa, because I overslept;
– Sorry for not being a good son with tons of skeletons in my closet that I have chosen not to open it to you, ever;
– Sorry for having doubt on your relationship, because I refuse to believe I won’t spend the rest of your life with as a friend;
– Sorry for keep forgetting the names of aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews;
– Sorry for being a distant brother who never gets to spend much time with each one of you;
– Sorry for not being able to forgive you yet, let alone forget, but acceptance is the key, right?;
– Sorry for not saying “I love you” yet;
– Sorry for saying “I love you” too soon.
Now what are your long delayed sorrys?