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Category Archives: Blog

Keep ‘Em Coming

Keep ‘Em Coming

“So.”
“So.”
“How was it?”

“How was what?”
“Was it good?”

“What do you think?”
“Was I good?”

“How do you want me to answer that?”
“What about you?”

“What is about me?”
“How do you feel?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”
“Are you okay?”

“Are you okay?”
“Is it okay then to say that we are okay?”

“Is there a “we” now?”
“Do you want to file a motion against that?”

“Is it something worth doing?”
“What is worth doing to you then?”

“Why don’t you find out?”
“Is that an invitation?”

“Why don’t you just accept?”
“What is the risk?”

“What is life without taking a risk of not knowing anything ahead?”
“Is that how you describe this whole thing?”

“What whole thing?”
“What do you think has happened?”

“Why the questions are getting longer and more complicated?”
“Why do you keep answering my questions with questions?”

“Why do you still continue doing that?”
“Why do you think I keep up with you?”

“Why do you think I keep up with you?”
“So.”

“So.”

 
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Posted by on 08/23/2017 in Blog

 

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Every Holiday Belongs to Everyone

Every nation and place on earth has their own annual homecoming holiday for us to celebrate. Or to come home to. Be it Eid, Christmas, Thanksgiving, any kind of New Year, we make excuses to celebrate these holidays with our loved ones.

More often than not, it involves coming home, or simply being with family members, either the nuclear or larger ones.

Every year, these holiday seasons become moments to look forward to for those wanting to celebrate, and to anticipate for everyone. We allocate our leave days for those specific dates. We save up so that we can share and spend greatly in preparation for and during the holidays. We book tickets in advance.

We prepare everything in advance.

And yet, there are those who spend the holidays differently.

There are those medical staff, policemen, 24-hour convenience store attendants, delivery clerks, cab drivers, waiters and waitresses, who still work around the clock serving families and people who celebrate the holidays.

There are those whose religions differ, and there are those not opting to have any religions.

There are those who have no house to come home to.

There are those whose freedom is taken away.

There are those enjoying the brief quiet moment of big cities temporarily vacated by its migrant residents.

There are those with broken hearts that leave no place for forgiveness yet.

There are those in solitary solitude.

And for these people, the holiday is also theirs to celebrate.

Each holiday is meant for everyone, regardless any differences. Each one of us takes the holiday’s spirit, and carries it accordingly, as much as we can only take and accept.

For those who bask in the festive atmosphere, this is your holiday.
For those who choose to whisper the celebration in the quietness of the heart, this is your holiday.

And in this holiday season, we may just need to acknowledge the differences to understand each other.

Because only when we realize that we cannot live without each other, we can start to forgive and forget sincerely.

Happy holiday.

 
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Posted by on 06/25/2017 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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Our Investment, Our Statement, Our Everything

Our Investment, Our Statement, Our Everything

Let’s talk about investment, shall we?

Ah, yes. I can see you groaning, your yawn and disinterested look you are trying so hard to conceal right now.

What puts you off? The word ‘investment’ itself? Count me in. I did not even fake interest when I heard the word for the first time being shoved on to me. Really. I just left the word immediately, and never wanted to return. Until now.

Now when I feel at least half of my life has passed. Come to think of it. We have lived in the world more than half of our possible lifetime in the world, right? Or maybe not half yet. But we are definitely inching closer to that half-point mark.

And at times like these, I could not help wondering, what have I invested?

If you ask if I questioned ourselves about financial-related investment, the answer is both “yes” and “no”.

“Yes”, because what and how much we save is always more important than what and how much we earn in life.

“No”, because investment also applies to how we live our life.

Do we invest our time in doing the work that makes us happy?
Do we invest our expenses in what we need, rather than what we want?
Do we invest our brain to knowledge, instead of aimless pleasure?
Do we invest our tastebud to culinary, and not snacking?
Do we invest our love to the right people?
Do we invest our life to the right causes?

Do we invest our time well?

Well, who knows?

I cannot answer that for you. And that sucks. It does. You don’t feel pleasant whenever you are forced to look back at the past, only to realize so much, or too much has gone to waste, leaving you at whatever state you are in right now.

I have gained. I have lost. I have earned. I have lost. I have loved. I have lost. I have lived. And will do so until the luxury is taken away from me.

It does not hurt to spare so you can make investment. I cannot say it in a more subdued or subtle manner. Put aside extra time, money, effort, attention, what have you, to invest. See how your investments grow over time.

Or maybe by the time they grow, you won’t be able to see. That’s okay. Others will see, leaving memory of your presence intact. See, investment is preserving yourself. To be immortal. To be lived and remembered forever.

Be afraid not of making bad investments. For you can always do over.

And that’s my birthday note this year to you, dear.

Let’s put some imagination in our investment, shall we?

 
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Posted by on 04/11/2017 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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Brief Chance

Brief Chance

“I am sorry.”

I put my head down.

“For everything.”

I only nod quietly.

“I truly do.”

I smile.

“Uh … Am.”

“What?”

“I truly am. You said “I truly do”, while it’s supposed to be “I truly am”, because earlier you had said “I am so…rry”, which were you exact words, so …”

A chuckle follows. “You’re still a grammar police after all these years.”

A polite small laughter ensues. “Old habit dies hard.”

“I can see that.”

“What can you see? The way I dress? Well, this is kind of emergency and may not be to your liking …”

“No, no. I don’t mean that. Please.”

“… but I am only kidding.”

“Ha! Yeah. You got me there.”

“Well. Yeah. I got you. There.”

How can a second of awkward silence feels like a century of a lifetime?

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I was on my way …”

“Oh, that direction?”

“Yeah. You headed to the other side?”

“Yes. They’re waiting for me by now.”

“Oh, if you must go then, I …”

“I think I must.”

And to think how many times I play possible scenarios of how we will meet again, in a different time, in a different place, in different clothes, in different shoes, in different hair, and in different manners. Where’s the angry glance? Where’s the cynical smirk? Where are the tears waiting to fall?

“Yeap. That announcement is my cue.”

“So. Goodbye for now?”

“Yes. Bye.”

We wave. We turn our back. We walk.

I hold my breath. I let it out. I put both hands on my jacket.

Should I turn around? Should I run again? Should I chase just to say everything I’ve wanted to say but I couldn’t?

I keep on walking. I keep on thinking. I reach my phone.

I stop walking. I look ahead.

“Thank you. For everything.”

I smile.

 
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Posted by on 01/17/2017 in Blog, English, Personal

 

How Do You Deal With Death?

The answer to the question in the title is probably the same as the opposite: how do you deal with living?
You don’t deal with it.
You just do. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 03/27/2016 in Blog, English, Personal, Uncategorized

 

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Top 10 TV Shows of 2015

Welcome to, not just golden age, but the platinum age of scripted American TV programs. Gone are the days of accusation that watching too much TV is not good for our well being. The concern instead is that there are too many good TV shows that one is impossible to watch the all. Thus, you may find some other critically-acclaimed shows are not listed here, because 1) this is a personal list, and 2) I have no time yet to watch those shows yet.
Mind you, there are other shows that do not make the cut in the top 10 list below, yet I still watch them because you cannot just watch 10 TV shows in a year. There are simply too many good TV programs out there. But thank you, TV! You show us that good story and good storytelling are found in TV these days.

Alright, the list, in alphabetical order, starts with:

1. THE AFFAIR

The Affair

The Affair

I started watching the entire first season earlier this year, and boy, was I hooked from the start. The series takes a hardly original approach of telling an illicit extra marital affair from both he-said and she-said perspectives, but what unravels in further episodes take us by surprise. Noah Solloway may be the most complex, despicable and well-written family man character in television right now, yet we can not just say otherwise to Alison Lockhart with her doe eyed soulful persona. It is possible to have a series that leaves you devastated week after week.

2. THE AMERICANS

The Americans

The Americans

Not many series get better each season, but The Americans does get better, if not more thrilling. Each season brings the tension closer and more gripping, and season 3 of The Americans may be its best yet. Paige finally learns the true profession of her parents. This brings many opportunities of future developments, as the storyline progresses to the peak of Cold War in mid 1980s. The terror is getting more subdued, and feels real. It’s a crime that the series is still overlooked by the Emmys so far.

3. BLACK-ISH

Black-ish

Black-ish

I put it simply: it is possible for a TV show to laugh at itself (and its presumably core audience), be genuinely funny, and be heartwarming in almost every week. What an achievement, indeed.

4. CATASTROPHE

Catastrophe

Catastrophe

The set-up wins: an American guy impregnates a British girl during their one night stand. What follows is nothing but hilarity that ranges from chaos to madness. I cannot get enough of the short season, as it packs more rom-com moments than any other series attempting the same.

5. EMPIRE

Empire

Empire

Anywhere you turn, you can never escape the Lyons, especially the cracking wits of Cookie Lyon, played with feisty persona by the great Taraji P. Henson. The show grows its audience week after week until it becomes a cultural phenomenon. It has been described as Dynasty for R&B and hip-hop millenials, which worries me the most for being excessive in style in future seasons. But as long as Cookie’s in the house, the matriarch shall balance the entire kingdom. Bring the kidnaps, murders, and music then.

6. DAREDEVIL

Daredevil

Daredevil

Perhaps the series has the most serious treatment among other superhero series right now. In fact, I am torn between choosing this over other noteworthy entries, i.e. Agent Carter and The Flash. Yet, for what it is worth, Daredevil gives us, pun intended, justice. The series equals straight-forward action scenes with multi layered characters and muted, often heavy dramatic moments that bring the entire serious feel almost like a work of art. For real. The last four episodes of the season will put you on the edge of your couch.

7. MAD MEN

Mad Men

Mad Men

We say goodbye to Don Draper and co., with the last scene that easily goes down as one of the finest in TV history. But if you watch carefully, it is the women of Mad Men that soar in this last season. Joan Harris, Peggy Olsen, Betty Francis, and even Sally Draper, each one of them are given prominence in their roles that we can only daydream how great it will be if there’s a spin-off among them. As the show stops before the feminism era, we imagine that their imaginary prominence will play pivotal role should there be a continuation. Alas, the show ends on a high note, and as a fan, I cannot be more satisfied than that.

8. UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I dare you not singing, or at least humming, its theme song after binge-ing the series even for just after 3 episodes. The theme song is indeed addictive, and so is Titus Andromeda’s Pinot Noir. Don’t Google or Youtube that. Oh, you just did? Well then. Good luck!

9. UNREAL

Unreal

Unreal

The most surprising new drama of last year airs in Lifetime channel, associated with its female-centric tearjerker shows. UnReal is still female-centric, but tearjerker it ain’t. It offers a fictionalized behind-the-scene look of a reality program a la The Bachelor, where dramatic moments are unfold as staged by the deceptive, manipulative, ruthless characters played with excellence by both Shiri Appleby and Constance Zimmer. You can feel the female bromance between the two against their love-hate bantering and wits. You root for them each week as they keep showing their flaws, and still hold their heads high among the seas of men as their objects of frustration. Perhaps it is the most daring program of last season, and no one notices yet.

10. VEEP

Veep

Veep

I have no idea how they do it. How can a show get more hilarious every season? Just when I thought the season 3 is the funniest yet, the presidential campaign in season 4 pushes the funny envelope further, with a welcome addition from Hugh Laurie and his surprisingly acute comic timing. Julia Louis-Dreyfus could not be funnier than in this season. As we anxiously await the result of the presidential election in the series, here’s a cheers for Armando Ianucci as the creator of the series. Thank you for the wonderful 4 seasons you have helmed. Even without your presence as the show-runner in subsequent seasons, we always have the entire wacky, incapable team of Susan Meyer to humor us. The Emmy for Best Comedy Series is justified.

 
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Posted by on 12/22/2015 in Blog, English

 

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Something’s Missing

I miss falling in love.

I miss smiling as I am gazing.
I miss making playlist of songs, since every song is about our fantastical fantasy relationship.
I miss daydreaming, imagining and eventually thinking ahead of every possible scenario.

I miss falling in love.

I miss the joy out of living.
I miss the happiness it brings.
I miss the thrill it seeks.
I miss the anticipation out of unthinkable possibilities.

I miss falling in love.

I miss the beat of my heart that drums when you pass.
I miss the sigh of relief when you miss my glance.
I miss the whisper of my own wish when you stand in distance.
I miss the pray quietly uttered when you may or may not be there.
I miss the wetness of my eyes from too much smiling when you step in to my mind.

I miss falling in love.

I miss seeing your flaws as flawless.
I miss seeing your imperfection as perfection.
I miss seeing your scars as beauties.
I miss feeling your quietness loud.
I miss feeling your silence deafening.
I miss feeling your mere presence larger than life.

I miss falling in love.

Because I miss living life.

love-bubble_blog140116

 
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Posted by on 09/06/2015 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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We Don’t Disguise This Blessing

Blessed are those who wake up under the safe roof of one’s own, next to the loved one, and others who wait within reach.

Blessed are those who wake up alone with smile on the face as breakfast’s guaranteed and running soon ensues.

Blessed are those who wake up grumbling about the night before and the day ahead, for it is a sign of living.

Blessed are those who wake up with their stomach churning about to do the number-two, for it is a sign of living.

Blessed are those who wake up daydreaming, because when mind wanders, infinite possibilities will happen.

Blessed are those who wake up with drools, because normalcy is never overrated.

Blessed are those who wake up moaning, because living starts with loving.

Blessed are those who wake up with a silent prayer, for one is always connected to the universe in many inexplicable manners.

Blessed are those who choose to wake up.

image

 
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Posted by on 08/24/2015 in Blog, English

 

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Happy 1st Anniversary, Linimasa!

Tomorrow, our communal blog linimasa.com will turn exactly one year old.

In this day and age, I cannot believe that I get to say such a cliche statement: “how time flies by”. But when it comes to this blog, time has indeed flown at such a rapid movement.

Linimasa came at the right moment. I was in the middle of some sort of self-healing. Then when the came offer, such a generous one, indeed, I immediately said “yes”. My initial reaction was that I got to have a habit of writing once a week. A routine, you may say. Something I had not had for a while then.

You see, I used to write a weekly review for a local paper. In English. I got to think hard what to write every Wednesday, because the deadline fell on every Thursday, before the writing got published on weekend. When I got the Thursday slot for linimasa, the almost similar routine stroke again: I got restless every Wednesday. Whenever possible, I tried to avoid going out, making out, and anything that required me to be out and about every Wednesday night, fearing the looming deadline.

You know how it is with blog: you are the writer, the editor, the designer, all rolled into one. Once you finish writing, you have to check any grammatical error or any mistakes in spelling. Then you insert links to anything on your writing that needs external URL source. After that, you choose appropriate image to insert on the writing. Sometimes, this takes up more time than the actual writing. You hit the ‘preview’ button to see how it looks. As I read the write-up on the preview mode, sometimes I spot an error or two, or more, then going back to the dashboard to edit again. Finally, we hit the ‘publish’ button.
And then we wait for the reaction. From readers, that is.

Linimasa.com marks my first regular writing in Indonesian. One of my friends wondered whether I could keep it up. As you can see right here, most of my personal blog posts are written in my unbelievably broken English. I am writing faster in English, indeed, especially to convey personal opinions and thoughts. But Linimasa.com gave me the opportunity to learn the joy of writing to your nearby neighbours, friends, colleagues, and everyone within immediate “reach”.

After all, what made me nod to Linimasa is not only the opportunity to write regularly in Indonesian again, but also to learn. When Roy asked me, he mentioned the other writers who had agreed to participate. I have been more than familiar with Gandrasta and Glenn in terms of their works. I also read a few of Roy’s writings, and so did Fa’s and Dragono’s. The only one I was not familiar with yet at that time was Agun. Of course, it soon changed for the better.

As you also know, Agun writes about music, film, and pop culture very smoothly and easily while throwing in facts he meticulously gathers. And who would’ve thought that Roy is the dreamer of all? Glenn acutely observes the society we live in now. His writing tickles.
From Gandrasta, I learn how to grab attention in your writing from the get-go to the end. He never fails.
Then Dragono comes with deep thinking in his writing, almost to Zen-like effect. Most of the time, I feel terrified writing after him, since I got the Thursday slot after his Wednesday.
Then the women of Friday, Fa and Leila. Farah (or Fa) came with a bang, typical of playful young woman in her 20s who likes to explore variety of things with winking observation. When she steps down, her replacement, Leila, is exactly the opposite. A young woman in her 40s who already know what she wants, and this is reflected in her writing. Read Lei’s writings, you will find many tactical, practical tips that clearly show how the writer has experienced and gone through it all.

And a year on, I have proved to what I told the same friend who asked about the idea of Linimasa: that I get to be standing on the shoulders of the giants, and learn from them.
To date, I still read old posts from months ago written by the other writers. Perhaps you also do the same when you click on an article, and then further click on another once you finished reading one. Sometimes I chuckle, most of the time I smile reading the old posts and comments.

As Roy often points out, I don’t think we set ourselves to be a hard hitting journalism. It is, after all, a blog. Maybe in his words he’d like to point out that what we do is a sensational public display of masturbation, but I’d like to think that we just share what we feel like sharing, because we never take ourselves seriously in the first place. We write what we want to write. Sometimes I don’t know what to write in the eleventh hour, sometimes I have no idea at all. I often dig through past writings, and modify them a little to publish in Linimasa. Sometimes I just take a quote and elaborate any possible words I can think out of it. Sometimes I am just hopelessly in mercy of whatever gets me to the day. And that one happens very, very often.

I came across a saying once that goes something like “writing sets one free”. I could not be more grateful for the past 52 weeks that I never fail to show up every Thursday, and be able to present my rambling for that particular week. To date, as I am writing this note, I am still amazed at myself to be able to carry on the routine. Every week, and I was never absent. Not once. I hardly commit to anything, but why is it actually possible to honour the commitment here?

Well, who knows?

We’ll just keep on writing.

Linimasa

Linimasa

Happy birthday. Thank you for putting me here, guys.

 
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Posted by on 08/23/2015 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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Singapore, 50 Years Old Today

I remember watching an episode of Sex and the City a few years ago. Can’t recall which season exactly, but it’s the one where Cynthia Nixon (Miranda, right?) stands on the ferry taking her back to Manhattan. She looks at the island from afar, and says, “Who would’ve thought an island that tiny would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends?”
Today, as Singapore turns 50 years old, I can’t help thinking along the same line.
No, the island doesn’t hold all my old romantic flings.

But this city, this tiny red dot island, has a great power millions times of its size to change one life’s for good.
This is the place where I get my university degree, the sole one I have so far.

This is the place where I start learning how to earn a living. A waiter, a clown, a salesman, a liaison officer, a customer service assistant, a writer. Wow.

This is the place where I gained and lost extreme weight within less than than half a decade.

This is the place where I met friends, lost friends, and eventually, have friends for life, for good.

This is the place where I started falling in love, and never look back again.
For others, Singapore may be the concrete jungles where business and fun meet.

But to me, Singapore is the leisure walk on a drizzling Saturday afternoon with friends for coffee followed by movies in Cathay or Lido. Or Sunday jog followed by lunch in any hawker centres. Or those do-nothing-but-sitting-on-a-couch in a friend’s flat. Or those late night supper of prata and nasi lemak back in our younger days.
I lived in the country for 6.5 years. I began as a young boy who left his hometown to study, and I left the country as a young man who decided to drop everything for a career change.

It has not been a smooth sail. But somewhere at the back of my mind, I keep thinking that I’ll be fine, as long as I have friends I made when I was here. Because they’re friends for life.
And now I remember that I watched the Sex and the City episode for the first time back in Singapore, in the room of my rented condo in Bukit Batok.
Happy birthday, Singapore.

You’re not just a well-designed country. You’re the land that has changed one’s life for good.

Thank you.

  

 
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Posted by on 08/09/2015 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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Maybe, Just Maybe.

Maybe, Just Maybe.

Maybe, just maybe.

We never know the answers to the unresolved problems and the unspoken questions.

We never hear sweet words once spoken in soft and tenderness.

We never understand why people do what they do, and we act how we react.

Maybe, just maybe.

There will never be love like what it was.

There will never be life like what was once led.

There will never be lust anymore.

Maybe, just maybe.

Forgiveness remains unspoken.

Feeling remains unshared.

Friendship remains undone.

Fiendship remains unbroken.

Maybe, just maybe.

For once,

Enough is enough.

 
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Posted by on 04/04/2015 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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I Love You

Whenever we talk about love, we often talk about it in the context of romantic relationship between two people.
Books are written based on it.
Films rely on it.
Songs are made out of it.
We spend our lifetime marveling it.

What is less celebrated or glorified is the other kind of unsung love between people, often sans romance.

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 09/07/2014 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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Memaafkan Diri Sendiri

Setiap tanggal 1 Ramadhan dan 1 Syawal, ada pertanyaan yang selalu mengusik saya: apakah kita sudah memaafkan diri sendiri, sebelum memaafkan orang lain?

Apakah setiap ucapan “maaf lahir batin” yang kita ucapkan ke orang lain adalah pernyataan maaf yang tulus keluar dari hati, dan bukan sekedar basa-basi?
Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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The Night Before the Vote

I am writing this some time before 12 hours we, Indonesians, will get to see whoever will lead us as a nation in the next 5 years.
The choice could not be more in contrast of one another: one evokes fear, the other inspires hope.

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 07/08/2014 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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It Takes Big Heart and Greater Mind to Be on Social Media

Have we got what it takes to stay (and survive) in social media?

I asked the question myself recently. Such a seemingly simple question turns out difficult to answer. It is even more difficult when matters of heart are involved in attempting to answer the question.

Let me share my experience with you.

I started this year with several personal downside events, one of those was a very messy breakup. The first thing to do was to disconnect myself with the other party, meaning Twitter block, Line block, WhatsApp block, but remained “friends” on Path at the time. If you are not familiar with those names of applications, consider yourself lucky.
However, having still been connected in a social-media application where people tend to be more freely throwing their opinions, expressing their thoughts and preferences, it began to sink on me the danger of having a lack of clear mind while participating in social media. I often lamented my mellow state of mind through song I posted, through long-winded status I wrote, while the other party seemed unfazed in seeing my posts. I began to think, did I really write the posts from the heart, or simply to attract attention?
Then, as the other party starts a new relationship already, people start commenting on them and whatever they share in common together.
For weeks, I’ve gone berserk, crazy, mad. Finally, we unshared each other.

Talked to a very few friends about what I felt, and one of them offered this blatantly truthful comment: “It is even hard these days to break up and be connected in social media. People in social media take sides. Friends take side in social media. Unfortunately, sometimes what people choose to side, they may not be in your favor.”

He further told me that it’s best to step back, while digesting slowly the bullet I had dodged while dealing with hard-hitting facts.
I translated stepping back as quitting, thus I took a sabbatical leave from Path, despite already having unshared one another. I thought, while not being a “friend”, but we still have friends in common, and we might “see” each other when we posted comment in these common friends’ posts.

I took the leave for slightly more than a month, on which by the 3rd week, I began receiving texts, like:
– “Hey, where have you been? Haven’t seen you on Path recently!”
– “Are you okay? You haven’t posted anything on Path!”
– “We miss you on Path! How are you?”

Come to think of it, this is funny. You have been away from social media, and people presume that you’ve vanished completely from life.
Quite the opposite, I managed to have lunch with few friends, went out to dinner, caught up with latest events and films in town, all through simple personal chat or texts.

There is no so-called moral of the story to the lengthy post, as I was just rambling my share with you. Sometimes it’s best to disconnect for a while. Yes, social media allows us to get the latest news very fast, to be updated with the latest happenings. But stepping back and smelling the real air outside allows us to greater thinking.
Sometimes, to stay sane in social media, one needs to be away from it for a while.

I have returned to Path for a few days now. Talk about sensory overload on the first attempt.
I still “encounter” my ex on friends’ comments, yet I made no move about it at all. Just let it be.
The recovery is not completed yet at the time of writing, as it takes God knows how long it will be.
But I do know that it is important to stay afloat surviving in this game of social media, and be firm as well as be responsible with things that you share there, because you have no idea if they will work for or work against you.

And that requires a big heart and greater mind to do.

I haven’t gotten it, but I’m working on it.

We’ll see.

 
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Posted by on 06/01/2014 in Blog, English, Personal

 

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