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Monthly Archives: September 2012

If I Forget to Love You …

… then read what I write here.

sometimes, i forget to love you.

not because i fall out of love. after all, how can i, when we once agreed on being in love, and not falling in love, because when you fall in, there’s a chance you can easily fall out?

and not because i have grown tired of you. well, there are days of yearning for absolute mindless freedom, but you know me as a man of mind, thus is it a likely occurrence of me taking such toll without thinking?

actually, i do. or rather, i did. and that’s how i love you.

and now, i forget that you need to be tingled with sweet, loving words.

i forget that you need more than my silent support of catching you from behind when you fall.

i forget that you need more than my quiet persistence of being someone that you come home to.
without asking, without probing, without questioning.

i forget that you need to go out sometimes, often at opposing times when i feel like talking to myself and the four still walls.

at such times, sometimes i forget to love you.

because i have started respecting you, hoping that you trust this union we’ve built.

because i have begun to honor you and your marvelous side of life that i may or may not be apt to fit in.

and still, if sometimes i forget to love you,

remind me again, please.

that’s how our life begins.

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Posted by on 09/29/2012 in Uncategorized

 

Catatan Kecil

Akhir pekan lalu, seusai pesta pernikahan sahabat, saya dan beberapa teman terlibat percakapan menarik.
Di tengah beberapa orang menghapus riasan muka, ganti baju dan sekedar bersantai tengah malam, seorang teman bilang,

“I don’t believe if there’s anyone says “I don’t care about your past, because I only believe in our future!”
To me, when I meet someone, when I make a relationship with someone, I have to know what makes this person who she really is. And a person is defined by her past! I just need to know their past, that’s all. Then I’ll figure out how to deal with that person.”

Kata-kata ini, berikut gaya pengucapan teman saya yang sangat hidup, sudah sukses menyentil saya.
Kebetulan saya pernah menulis sesuatu tentang “investing in your future, rather than dwelling on your past”. Ternyata saya lupa, bahwa bagaimana kita sekarang adalah hasil tempaan masa lalu kita, baik itu mulai dari kecil, remaja, menjadi mahasiswa, atau hasil masa lalu kita dalam hitungan beberapa jam yang lalu.

Saya adalah bentukan mantan-mantan pacar saya.
Selama menjalin hubungan dengan mereka, ada proses belajar dalam diri setiap berinteraksi dengan mereka. Saya merasakan sendiri perubahan dalam bersikap, bertindak, melihat permasalahan, yang sangat mungkin ada sedikit pengaruh atau warisan karakter dari mereka. Mungkin karena itulah saya sempat limbung ketika kehilangan pegangan saat semua hubungan itu berakhir.

Namun saya sadar, bahwa saya tidak boleh mengagungkan masa lalu. Toh mereka yang pernah singgah dan menjadi fokus hari-hari saya tidak akan kembali juga.
Tetapi bagi siapapun yang sedang mencoba hadir, atau akan hadir, mengisi hari-hari dan hati saya, mari kita telaah pelan-pelan.

Saya ada dengan membawa resapan masa lalu saya. Demikian pula dengan kamu.
Semua persamaan dan perbedaan yang ada, mari kita omongkan.
Kalau kamu adalah yang terbaik untuk saya, demikian pula kalau kamu merasakan hal yang sama, maka kita tinggal deal dengan takdir.
Selebihnya, saya lebih suka menjalani apa adanya.

Yang jelas, saya sadar bahwa dalam kehidupan nyata, proses penghapusan memori seperti dalam film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind tidak akan pernah terjadi.
Rasa sakit, senang, pedih, gembira tentang masa lalu yang hadir dalam kehidupan saya di masa sekarang, semuanya adalah bagian yang tidak mungkin hilang.

Dalam keadaan apapun, saya harus terus bernafas, make a living dan melanjutkan hidup, yang semoga bisa jadi lebih baik.

Saya ingin punya kisah survival saya tersendiri.
Saya bukan teman-teman saya, yang saya kagumi, yang kisah pertahanan hidupnya acap kali membuat saya merasa belum menjadi apa-apa. Untuk itulah saya mengagumi mereka.

Dan untuk itulah saya harus meyakinkan diri bahwa saya akan terus baik-baik saja, meskipun keyakinan itu harus keluar dari mata yang berkaca-kaca dan helaan nafas yang berat.

“Because life goes on, dear.”

 
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Posted by on 09/29/2012 in Bahasa Indonesia

 

I Love You and Other Words

People go around saying I love you wishing to be told the same in return. 
Gone are the days when saying such is a mere act of affection without asking anything as reply or response, or when people do not throw such words easily.

People take words like I love you to a greater degree of seriousness, so much so that hearing those three is something they might be afraid of. 
The fear takes over the joy, as those words are powerful enough to make one thinking for days, worried not being able to reciprocate.

People who think hard before saying I love you likely repeat the words thousand times in their heads until the words lose their intended meaning.
Once the excitement is gone, it is likely that the words are not said at all.

People crave for being told I love you that they rehearse their reaction, often forgetting that a simple smile and kiss will just do.

People love the words I love you that upon travelling, we always ask the local languages of these three words, and we make funny attempts to imitate the pronunciation.
For once, emotionless act can be genuine and heartfelt in this case.

People believe once words like I love you are spoken between two strangers, a relationship is born. 

If only it were that simple.

People don’t go around saying I love you and wish to be told the same in return, because sincerity will reveal itself.

Peope aren’t supposed to take words like I love you to a greater degree of seriousness that fear will substitute good-hearted intention.

People don’t need to think that hard before saying I love you, or to endlessly repeat the words  in their heads before being chickened out by the dizzy mind.

People who crave less for being told I love you will never rehearse their reaction, because they will give the most genuine reaction instead.

People may not love words like I love you that much, yet when they travel, they can still form a good connection with locals.

People need not always believe in the idea that relationship begins with saying words like I love you.

People, like us, just do.

It’s that simple after all.

 
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Posted by on 09/21/2012 in Blog

 

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Someone with Labels

Someone to come home to.
Someone to travel with.
Someone to visit on weekend.
Someone to have meals together with.
Someone to greet the first thing in the morning and the last at night.
Someone to watch movies with.
Someone to yell at the hardest when one forgets another’s birthday.
Someone to cry on to when one feels like quitting job.
Someone to remind another to pick up laundry.
Someone to finish another’s sentences.
Someone to feel guilty of upon flirting with strangers.
Someone to call and text when one feels lonely because friends are busy.
Someone to forget when friends are around.
Someone to kiss with heart.
Someone to smile to.
Someone to laugh together with.
Someone to stay silent with and still be understood.

How can the person in us actually do these duties, and many more?
By loving someone else sincerely.

 
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Posted by on 09/18/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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