When I was a kid, I always thought that I would end up living with the first person I have a crush on forever, until the end of time.

Of course, the concept of “until the end of time” at the time was thought to be that we two would leave the world together, never came across my mind on the possibility that one may die sooner than the other. After all, how do you explain such a system to a dreamy 7 year-old boy who is now writing this blog you are reading?

Oh yes, I would take a cue from my surrounding and then would spend time daydreaming, making countless spin-offs out of those cues and clues. For example,  I was once fascinated by this watch than could function as telephone, and it was used by characters in Voltus! Being a fan, I dragged my dad to local markets, even when we went out of town, to get me one. Hey, it never occurred my mind who I should make a call to with the watch!

But my dad obeyed my wish, and he enquired about my request to a few toy stores. All of the storekeepers seemed to shake heads and smile in agreement with my dad, who knew that it was impossible to meet my demand. Looking back, this event only make me respect him more as my dad.

My gratitude to him and my mother also sprung from how I look up to them after knowing that my mom was my dad’s first and only serious girlfriend. For mom, at least her children knew she dated a guy who became her close friend to date, but it wasn’t serious. Thus, these two people who made me who I am today were, in fact, married to the first serious date they had.

How noble, how amazing, how inspiring. At least that’s what I had hoped my life would turn out to be: that I would spend my life together with the one I would date the first time.

How little would I know about my life and how it would turn out to be.

If you asked me how my very first dating experience was, I would say that I do not remember how exactly it went. I remember who, and I remember the overall time we had, which was nevertheless nice to have.

But when I realized that it would not last long, part of me was devastated, knowing that I would not be able to be walking on the same step like my parents did. I was taken aback for a while, knowing that from that point on, I would not be able to replicate what my parents had.

Luckily, I found that inability liberating.
Time passes by, and I continued dating, without a sign of settling down in sight. Not yet. I was lucky enough to still have a chance to meet new people, or new one-s if you say so, those who bring a little change to otherwise mundane routine.

Not being a serial dater myself who parades a long list of dates, but I learn a great deal from them. Some mark great changes, some give me many to chuckle about. Some vanish completely, some leave indelible marks. Some go, some stay.

But someone I am yet to meet is you.

Here’s what I am going to say to you:

“I don’t know who you are yet, but whoever you are, I just want to state again that you are not my first date. Be it serious, or casual, or anything in between, you’re just not my first on the list.

But what is lacking on the listing, I am trying to make it up by putting you first in any way I can.

As much as desire goes, I want to greet you the first thing in the morning.
As often as we can, I want us to have the first meal of the day together.
As many times as possible, I want us to close our eyes at the end of the day with each being the first and the last on our respective mind.

When we hit off to wrong start, let’s aim for steady move in years to come.
When we feel like yapping and yelling, let’s think that we’ll be exhausted before we find each other again.
When we feel like being alone and apart, let’s believe that the distance will only strengthen us.”

And if I’d have found you then, I’ll say that since I was a kid, I always believe that someday, I’ll end up living with the person I have a crush on forever, until the end of time.

That person is you.