on driving while lying.

16 Mar

Here’s the thing. I miss driving.

The sheer sensation of behind the steering wheel, the wind blowing your hair rising to the air …

OK, it only happens in lame music videos of ‘80s.

But in reality, I don’t get that much opportunity to drive a car, especially not in my previous comfort zone where having a car is a very distant dream, and simply I don’t find it necessary to rent one since the public transportation system there is highly reliable. Why not make use of it then? And even after I leave the zone for good, I haven’t decided whether I should register for a driving license there or not.

Whereas in this chaotic city, it’s my own conscience of choice to opt for not driving. The horrendous traffic jam where crimes might happen within seconds, in addition to not knowing the road system, somehow discourage me to do my own driving here.

Thus, the only time for me to drive a car is when I am in my hometown, a newly-developed city which still has the atmosphere of an old town, where you can drive with the sight of greenery mountain within your horizons. It couldn’t be more perfect when I went there at the tip of last year, as I drove this old car every morning against the misty air with breezing winds, and for once, I did not bother to turn the air conditioner inside the car.

Perhaps such a pleasant experience is what drives me to do my own driving at this time around. But more than that, everytime I start hitting the road while changing gears, my mind would start wandering to any thoughtful thoughts. From thinking about what to have for dinner to whether I can get a call back from my last night’s date, thankfully I never hit another car until now, and let’s hope so for the rest of my life.

But one thing I’d like to think about shall I drive a car right now is the fact that our lives are surrounded with lies.

Lies are what bring life to our lives, as what I’d like to believe so.

Especially in a relationship, couples lie, cheat, and hide what’s needed to hide all the time, while they are faithfully holding their loves to their respective partners. It may be sad to come to the realization of such a fact, but some people choose to go on with these lies, and presuming the other parties being naïve or innocent.

Maybe our beloved ones know, so we think. But then maybe they have their own dirty laundries as well, so we assume.

The circle would go on, and so is the relationship itself, that takes two to keep each of their own secrets carefully.

Just like driving, sometimes you cheat, by not obeying what street signs telling you, and when you get caught by the police, you utter some excuses while wishing for the police to let you off with your little trick. And while you say that you will not do it anymore, who knows what the future brings? As long as the destination is reached, any roads can be taken, no matter what.

As long as the relationship is kept, sometimes, make it most of the time, we play ignorant to what our partners are doing. I am not in a good position to tell you if this is healthy or not, although you cannot hide that look of being depressed, but whatever state your mind is, be sure to keep your friends and diaries around, to let your feelings out.

Just like what Sheryl Crow says,
“Lie to me / I promise / I believe / Lie to me / But please / Don’t leave”
(Strong Enough – 1994)

And it took me a good twelve years to finally understand the consequences of the lies while painfully accepting them as what they are. At least, it takes me to lie as well when I claim, “I’m fine!”

I guess I really need that driving license next time I pay a visit to my comfort zone. It’s meant to make you feel comfortable, and for certain times like these, I couldn’t agree more.

Happy driving, while lie yourself to relax.

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Posted by on 03/16/2006 in English, Personal


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